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 Yugioh Crossroads of Destiny

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Flamelord325
New Charmer
New Charmer


Posts : 6
Charmer Power : 1218
Join date : 2014-08-24

Character sheet
Name:
HP:
300/300  (300/300)
MP:
150/150  (150/150)

PostSubject: Yugioh Crossroads of Destiny   Sat Sep 13, 2014 2:50 pm

Im so intrigued by yugioh lore and the ambiguity of the charmers backstory that I decided to produce a fanfic about them. From what I've shown of people I've gotten positive reactions. I just thought I'd post this as a tribute and respect to the charmers we all know and love.
I know its a radical different kind of format than expected and I wish I had the drawing skills to make it more comic/manga like, but for what it is, I believe its at least a decent job. This is the first fanfic i ever wrote so I hope this is a good showing for how I write in the future. Also be sure to leave comments about the story along with your opinions.
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Hippocampus
Mod - Friendly Neighborhood Garbage Collector
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Posts : 1868
Charmer Power : 582
Join date : 2013-06-01
Age : 25
Favorite Charmer : Wynn
Badges :


Character sheet
Name: Theodore Tsakiris
HP:
500/500  (500/500)
MP:
200/200  (200/200)

PostSubject: Re: Yugioh Crossroads of Destiny   Wed Sep 17, 2014 9:09 am

Just finished reading your Chapter 1. The story was an interesting take on things, much different than other Charmer fics I've read. I like the internal struggle Eria has, but you could be a little bit more descriptive when the "demon starts entering her head". Also if sheepish is Eria's natural voice tone, you don't need to say it every single time she talks lol. Wynn's personality made me laugh though, I wasn't expecting to hear half the things you made her say.

One thing I do have to say (and I'm not sure if you have fixed this in your later videos) is that the pacing of the text is downright painful. The amount of text on screen at once is way too much to read and comprehend without stopping the video every two seconds. Dunno if this is what you intended or not, but I can see how this could get annoying to some people, especially if/when you use background music. Maybe you should put smaller amounts of text on each slide, and just keep the picture in the background the same for those slides.

I'll be reading some more of it later, and give my feedback on them then. Good job!

_________________
Quotes:
Quote :
[19:31:10 25/01/14] Corrupted Charmer, Y : We opened a new world
Quote :
[07:24:14] Runo : "The day when Hippocampus joined Charmers Community, he also lost his precious sleep time for sure."

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hiita lover
Junior Charmer
Junior Charmer
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Posts : 232
Charmer Power : 3011
Join date : 2014-07-09
Age : 20
Location : with hitta's heart I love her so mach
Favorite Charmer : Hiita

PostSubject: Re: Yugioh Crossroads of Destiny   Wed Sep 17, 2014 10:08 am

By the dharc is a guy not a girl. Just letting you know that. It's the best charmer fanfic I ever read. Keep up the good work. I can't wait to read more & the next chapter.
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Flamelord325
New Charmer
New Charmer


Posts : 6
Charmer Power : 1218
Join date : 2014-08-24

Character sheet
Name:
HP:
300/300  (300/300)
MP:
150/150  (150/150)

PostSubject: Re: Yugioh Crossroads of Destiny   Wed Sep 17, 2014 1:06 pm

Thank you guys. I enjoy the feedback. I hope this grows a bit.



Chapter 7 to those that are reading it.
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Hippocampus
Mod - Friendly Neighborhood Garbage Collector
avatar

Posts : 1868
Charmer Power : 582
Join date : 2013-06-01
Age : 25
Favorite Charmer : Wynn
Badges :


Character sheet
Name: Theodore Tsakiris
HP:
500/500  (500/500)
MP:
200/200  (200/200)

PostSubject: Re: Yugioh Crossroads of Destiny   Wed Sep 17, 2014 10:52 pm

Hey, I merged your above 2 posts into one since it's against forum rules to double-post. Try not to do it again, okay? Wink

_________________
Quotes:
Quote :
[19:31:10 25/01/14] Corrupted Charmer, Y : We opened a new world
Quote :
[07:24:14] Runo : "The day when Hippocampus joined Charmers Community, he also lost his precious sleep time for sure."

Suspicious Spoiler:
 
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